The people who didn’t believe this country should be one big unit insisted that the Constitution, ratified in 1789, have an attachment that specified the rights of American citizens.

It’s what we now call The Bill of Rights. It took more than two years to adopt the ten amendments that comprise the bill, meaning that even though there was eventual agreement on the idea, it was like pulling teeth for James Madison and the other anti-federalists.

As part of my mission to heed the overwrought MAGA T-shirt wearers demanding we all read the Constitution, that’s what I’ve been doing the past few weeks.

I have some thoughts.

— Here’s the text of the First Amendment: Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

This amendment, like some of the ones that came later, carries quite a load.

First, the next time these people talk about God is integral to American life, tell them to READ THE CONSTITUTION. Not only can Congress not make a law requiring some specific religious practice – be it an official faith or sect, or forcing kids to recite a prayer in a classroom. 

It also doesn’t restrict your right to pray. As has been said many times, notably by Ronald Reagan, “As long as there are final exams, there will always be prayer in schools.”

You just can’t force anyone else to do it.

The second part deals with the idea of free speech.

We heard a lot about when pre-Musk Twitter and pre-obedient-Zuckerberg Facebook banned Trump following the 2021 insurrection. The usual Trump flag waving homes and businesses had signs saying “Protect Free Speech!”

So let’s be clear. Facebook has the right to stop you from saying whatever you want. So does your local shopping mall. So does CNN and The New York Times; as does Fox News and The New York Post.

Because the amendment says Congress shall make no law abridging free speech. And the people who own Facebook, the mall and those media outlets have the right to stop you from spouting your beliefs – in part based on this amendment.

The next time you see or hear some MAGA putz cry about free speech, ask them when would be a good time for the transgender rights or anti-automatic weapon protest at their house. And watch their response.

The proof that the free speech “absolutists” – at least as far as letting Trump spew what he wants – are full of crap is what’s happening right now to Mahmoud Kahlil.

He’s the Palestinian-born U.S. resident who advocated for Hamas in protests at Columbia University. And he was pretty much abducted by ICE goons from his dorm and taken to Louisiana, where Herr Trump’s minions are working to deport him.

I unequivically do not support Hamas. They’re goons who kidnapped Israeli children and elderly people, killing a lot of them. 

But I also unequivically do not support extralegal justice in what proclaims itself to be the world’s freest country. If you think there’s a legitimate reason to send Kahlil back to Middle East, take it up with a judge. But to seize and hold him before evidence of an actual crime committed is presented to a grand jury is Dictatorship 101.

Letting this happen is one step from just grabbing anyone – citizen or not – and expelling them from this country.

— Here’s the text of the Second Amendment: A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

There was a United States of America before most of its major city police departments were created. New York’s – with 50,000 officers and other personnel – came into existence in 1845, 56 years after the Constitution was ratified.

Why do I bring that up?

In 1791, when this amendment came to be, the most common way to arrest someone who broke the law was for a sheriff to round up a posse – think of old Westerns – and bring the lawbreaker to justice.

With the creation of police departments, the need for deputies ended. There were cops. 

The first four words of the Second Amendment always seem to be skipped over. The idea of the amendment was to allow those sheriffs and, later, those cops to get the weaponry to enforce the law.

They were not – as evidenced by the words “A WELL REGULATED MILITIA” – meant to allow some crackpot to collect AR-15s. Madison and his peers probably thought semi-automatic weapons were an impossible fantasy. They also don’t say anything about having the guns to shoot up a bunch of deer, unless you somehow believe deer compromise the “security of a free state.”

As much as I loathe guns, I don’t support repealing the Second Amendment. I just wish 21st century Americans would actually read it – and then, in its adherence, eliminate the right to hold weapons that sick people use to shoot up schools, shopping malls and churches.

— Here’s the text of the Third Amendment: No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

Among jurists, there are people known as originalists, people who believe the wording of the Constitution should be applied as if it were the 18th century.

This gives the men who wrote the Constitution and Bill of Rights not only legal weight, but also prognostication expertise. 

Despite their large egos, I personally don’t think they wanted it. Madison didn’t foresee computers. Hamilton didn’t foresee big Broadway musicals.

And Washington, the presiding officer of the Constitutional Convention, had no idea that there would be huge military bases in Texas, California and Germany – as well as having no idea that any of those three places existed.

The point is that there’s no reason whatsoever that someone’s Third Amendment rights should ever need to be invoked. The Third Amendment is a relic of a fledgling nation that didn’t have a large standing military.

What does that say about the other parts of the Constitution? Interpreting this document as if it’s 1791 is silly. 

And yet, we had Antonin Scalia, rest in peace, interpreting things that way. And we have Samuel Alito and Clarence Thomas doing that now. 

— Here’s the text of the Fifth Amendment: No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

When somebody takes the Fifth Amendment in a criminal or civil case, do you assume guilt?

If you don’t, congratulations. You have followed the intentions of the framers of the Constitution. Again, they had no foresight of threats from mobsters or social media or any of the modern reasons for invoking the Fifth Amendment.

But Trump has not been a big fan of this fundamental U.S. right. This is what he said when some of Hillary Clinton’s staff invoked it during the infamous e-mail server crisis of 2016:

“When you have your staff taking the Fifth Amendment, taking the Fifth, so they’re not prosecuted, when you have the man that set up the illegal server taking the Fifth, I think it’s disgraceful.”

Six years later, during the case of The People of the State of New York v. Donald J. Trump over whether he falsified business records to pay hush money to a woman he slept with, Trump didn’t find invoking the Fifth Amendment so disgraceful.

He did it 400 times.

It didn’t stop the state from proving its case before a jury of Trump’s peers, not once but 34 times. But it was his right.

Now that Trump, and this still blows my mind, has regained the presidency, we’re going to see if MAGA is going to Make Taking the Fifth Disgraceful Again. 

What are the odds?