WELSHER NATIONAL BANK

1. It’s Monday, May 9, 2016.

2. Hope all the moms had a terrific Mother’s Day. One of the best days of the year.

3. By my conservative estimate, I have watched Bartolo Colon’s home run more than 120 times. That includes 15 times just sitting at the Cheesecake Factory at brunch yesterday and seeing it on screens in the background.

If you want to watch it – and, unless you’re poor San Diego Padres pitcher James Shields who yielded this, you do – here it is: http://m.mets.mlb.com/nym/video/v671207583/must-c-classic-colon-launches-first-career-home-run/?affiliateId=clubMEGAMENU. In fact, in this clip, you get to see it eight times.

4. Not that I don’t want this jackass to lose all 50 states on Nov. 8. But wouldn’t Donald Trump be better off if he went on vacation for a while? That would be the best thing for his candidacy. Because every time he opens his mouth on some TV show, he sounds like the dolt he is.

If your retirement hinges on a nicely put together package of securities designed to take you deep into old age, Trump is your one-way ticket to working for the rest of your life.

His proposal to “negotiate,” as if he was trying to weasel out of one of his bankruptcies, is de facto crippling to the world’s economy.

Put it this way: You put $100 in the bank on New Year’s Day expecting to earn $2 in sure interest in a year. The bank has a 240-year history of delivering on its promises, so you’re feeling confident that, while the money isn’t growing rapidly, you’ll be better off than you were.

On New Year’s Eve, the bank’s wacky-looking new chief comes to you and says he doesn’t want to give you your $102. He wants to give you $100 back. Or $99.

The first thing you’re going to think is, hey, doofus, I trusted you to give me the extra $2 when I signed up for this deal.

Secondly, if I didn’t want to make money, I would have put the money under a mattress. Or given it to some other bank that keeps its word, like First Ayatollah or Vlad’s Vault.

Third, why should I ever invest money with a welsher like you?

The bank needs that money to grow. It won’t be doing much growing if people don’t trust it.

The U.S. economy relies on the idea that our money and our debt are the most trustworthy financial instruments in the world. Trump’s idea of renegotiating it sends a signal to the world that we can’t be trusted. 

That wouldn’t make America great again. That would make America as unreliable as any Third World country.

Frankly, we could all use a break from hearing this meatball open his mouth.

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