PLEASE GO AWAY

1. It’s Wednesday, August 3, 2016. It’s 97 days until the election.

2. Until The Wall Street Journal weighed in on it yesterday, I had no idea anyone had a problem with men wearing cargo shorts. 

I’ve been retired from CNN for two years now. And I can say, without embarrassment, that I’ve worn cargo shorts on 90% of the days between Memorial Day and Labor Day in both years. Not to mention the one warm day I got to wear them this February at Walt Disney World.

Here’s why I like them. I’m always carrying stuff. Especially electronics. When I go to a Mets game, there’s an iPad to keep score, a iPhone to communicate, a portable charger and the cord to connect it. There’s also my keys, my wallet and sunscreen.

Cargo shorts allow me to carry all except the iPad. Because they have secure pockets, I don’t lose anything – except when I forget to take the stuff out when I do laundry. That’s a different problem.

Cargo shorts are comfortable and practical. They don’t look any less stupid than anything else I would wear. I’m not wearing a tux to Red Robin.

I know this presidential campaign has been trying people’s nerves. And they want something – anything – else to talk about.

Even so, men wearing cargo shorts seems like a stretch. Which, by the way, is the only way cargo shorts could be better.

3. Does it occur to Donald Trump that a two-week vacation is the best thing he could do right now?

Not that I’m trying to help him out or anything. I’m on record as wishing we could add 10 states to the union before November so he could lose them and the other 50 plus Washington, D.C.

But it seems his obsessive need to have his name out there is spinning out of control. Chuck Todd and Carrie Dann of NBC News have a list of 15 Trump campaign disasters that took place yesterday alone. And now you’re seeing columns hinting that Republicans are looking for a solution to the idea that Trump might drop out of the race. 

So when things are going bad, you need to change them up. Going on vacation would do that.

And if Trump is to be believed – of course, he makes that harder by not releasing his tax returns – he has properties where he could just take it easy for a few weeks and not have to say anything.

We’ve gotten so used to Trump-filled news days that we’ve forgotten what it’s like not having him in the daily cycle. Yes, we’d still have the Zika virus and Syria and other real problems. In fact, we’d be able to focus on them without the daily distraction of Trump.

For a few days, we wouldn’t have the noise and hand-wringing and eye-rolling and the nagging worry that there’s some freakish way that this ignoramus could become president.

And he’d get a few days to get a real tan and save some of that whatever-he-puts-on-himself-to-make-him-look-like-THAT for the final stretch.

Otherwise, he’s just going to keep spinning out of control. And the election won’t get here fast enough.

So take a couple of weeks, Trump. Watch the Rio Olympics. Bring a knife and fork so you can have some pizza, fried chicken or a hamburger.

Just give yourself – and us – a little break.

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