Currently representing New York’s 17th Congressional District, where I live, is Republican Smarmy Mike Lawler.

If you’ve spent any time on social media in this first third of 2026, you might be familiar with Smarmy Mike. His town hall meetings feature him lecturing constituents angry about the Iran war and the tariffs. He usually has somebody who really irks him thrown out – a veteran or an elderly woman. 

Smarmy Mike bemoaned the lack of bipartisanship in Congress but failed to acknowledge his previous full-throated support for the tariffs he was trying to amend. He’s cheerled Trump’s nonsense war and posted an obvious AI picture that claimed to be a rescued American airman – a picture only he and Greg Abbott fell for.

So yeah, I want him the hell out.

But Democrats, like the five vying to be the nominee against Smarmy Mike in November, cannot just be not Republicans. It’s not enough that you’re against him and the other members of the Trump’s Ass Kissing Society.

You gotta be for something. You need ideas. You need plans.

I will be watching one of the debates involving the five candidates soon. And I have six things I want them to address. Whoever matches my standing on all six issues gets my vote.

The hell with perceived electability. That crap has a dubious track record. I’m going to vote for whoever is the nominee, but I want someone who stands for what I stand for.

Here’s what I want:

1. ENERGY REFORM: The Iran war is about oil. Every conflict in that region of the world is about oil. Even conflicts involving Israel, which doesn’t have oil, end up being about oil.

We are held hostage by petroleum. Thirteen and a-half years ago, when Superstorm Sandy left my home without power for eight days, I bemoaned the gas lines and the price surges and the chaos created.

Presidents Obama and Biden understood the problem. They wanted to pivot American foreign policy toward the Pacific, to China, Japan, South Korea and others. China sees a way to dominance through solar power and electric vehicles, in the process looking visionary for beating back climate change.

When Trump came back, the idea of incentivizing renewable energy was cast as woke. Instead, it’s drill, baby, drill. Trump digs coal. And Smarmy Mike, who represented oil companies before running for office, laps that crap up.

So I want my new representative to fully embrace an energy revolution. None of this “all of the above” crap. We need to wean ourselves off fossil fuels and join the 21st century push to cleaner, more efficient methods of power.

Outlaw new gas-powered vehicles by 2032? Yup. Place solar panels on all new homes by 2035? That’s an idea. Research forms of energy that might only exist in the imagination of some chemist or physicist. Absolutely.

Anything less is not enough.

2. SINGLE PAYER HEALTHCARE: Obamacare was meant as a first step. It did an excellent job of getting healthcare for a lot of people. Unfairly unpopular when it began, it is now beloved and vital to middle and low-income Americans.

It’s time to expand them. And I say shoot for the moon – a single-payer system. 

It would, yes, increase your taxes. But also, yes, it would cost you less.

That’s because when you think about what you pay now for deductibles, co-pays, uncovered expenses, medicines and a whole litany of stuff, would you rather pay once and never have to think about whether or not you’re covered or pay the ridiculous premiums we pay now and not get what you need.

We can do this. Let the Heritage Foundation and all these right-wing morons rail about socialized medicine. I’m paying for bombing Tehran, Jeff Bezos’ tax cut and that stupid ballroom, not to mention the weekend trips to Mar-A-Lago. I’d rather pay for some kid’s well visit.

Every developed nation – and even some non-developed ones – has some form of single payer healthcare. There’s nothing uniquely American about getting sick, but there does seem to be something Barnumian about a sucker being born every minute.

3. THE MY BODY IS MINE AMENDMENT: Remember how Trump’s Supreme Court nominees hemmed and hawed about striking down Roe v. Wade. It was established law, they said. It had already been adjudicated, they said. 

Then they struck it down.

And if you really want to think about it, it’s not just about whether a woman should be forced to carry an unwanted, forced or dangerous pregnancy to term. 

If I’m terminally ill and in a lot of pain, I should have a right to end my life. 

A broad right-to-my-own body constitutional amendment would simply state that no one has the right to dictate how you deal with your health as long as it doesn’t imperil the health of others. Your decisions on your body should be made by you, consulting whatever family, religious, moral or other guides in your life.

I know what you’re saying. Would we be condoning the anti-vaccine nonsense we’ve seen the past 20 years.

The answer is no. An amendment would allow schools, churches, private businesses and any other communal entity to bar people perceived as health risks. You can stop your kids from getting measles shots, but you can’t expose them to me, my kids and anyone else who’s vulnerable.

It needs a little work. Maybe Oklahoma won’t ratify it. But position it correctly, and it’ll be an important addition to our civilized society.

4. GUARANTEED MINIMUM INCOME: We’re on the brink of a recession thanks to Trump’s idiotic economic policies. And that’s going to hit the lowest-income families extremely hard.

Here’s hoping that a new Congress can quickly act on providing aid to the neediest families. 

But for the future, let’s soften the blow of economic instability and the impact of technology erasing jobs with a guaranteed minimum income.

It’s an idea whose time has come. And it’s not a way to reward slackers – it’s a way to give everyone a floor on which to build a career or support a family. Conservatives wonder why birth rates are so low? Maybe it’s because having children is prohibitively expensive.

Give people a base income, and maybe we’ll see more kids.

5. TWO-STATE SOLUTION: Here’s what Benjamin Netanyahu and Hamas have in common: they’re both mass murderers, and they both oppose the idea of independent Israeli and Palestinian states.

In fact, if you told me that Netanyahu and Hamas colluded to create the crisis that exists in Gaza, I’d be horrified – but not completely shocked.

And, of course, because Trump thinks he’s this great real estate mensch, the Holy Land is, to him, a place to put up more failing casinos and tacky hotels.

For the rest of us, the security and safety of the Israeli and Palestinian people is long overdue. And that should be the official, carved-in-stone policy of the United States. As it was for both Bushes, for Clinton, Obama and Biden.

Now we’ve got vested-interest ignorants negotiating war and peace, life and death in the world’s most volatile region. The parties that love that instability, that want all or nothing, love the status quo. 

If the United States throws its full weight behind the two-state solution, ignoring Netanyahu and the radicals in the Knesset, the world will be a lot safer.

6. IMPEACHMENT: You’re going to hear some lame Democrats say they should focus on letting the past go and working across the aisle for solutions to help the American people.

One of the best ways to help the American people is to impeach Donald Trump. Multiple times until the Senate gets it right, convicts him, and sends him off to face charges of criminal activity.

The sooner we eliminate Trump from the American body politic, the sooner will begin to regain the world’s trust and our own self-respect. 

There’s nothing serious or ideological or redeeming about this man. He hates this country and its people in a way that’s hard to fathom.

It’s time to hate him back. Bigly. If you want to represent me in Congress, you want to throw this bastard out of the White House on his ample ass.