LUNACY

1. It’s Tuesday, September 1, 2015.

2. Even though it’s the month my son was born, I’m not a fan of September.

3. For the first time in my recollection, kids in my neighborhood are returning to school before Labor Day. I know that school reopens in August throughout a big chunk of this country — that’s been to our advantage when we’ve taken family vacations around this time of year.

But opening before Labor Day seems wrong — everybody’s going to be off Monday anyway. If this is a ploy for school districts to show how rigorous they’re making it for kids, it’s silly.

4. There was this great big full moon over the weekend, sort of like the one in the classic comedy “Moonstruck.” And, of course, full moons are often equated with craziness on the part of the human race.

But are the following things that have happened in the past few days examples of the moon’s influence or that we’re living in a time when idiots run free?:

5. Noted scaredy cat Scott Walker said he’s not satisfied with building a wall to keep out people from Mexico and points southward. He suggests the possibility of one on the border with Canada, to keep out Canadians and the evildoers they obviously harbor with their nationalized medicine and poutine.

Unfortunately for a guy who’s afraid to answer questions about whether or not he believes President Obama loves his country, there’s no wall or other barrier to stop Asians or Europeans, as well as various other forms of flora and fauna. But maybe that’s something we could work on if this country is stupid enough to elect a bozo like Scott Walker.

6. Chris Christie has an idea for keeping tabs on people who come to the United States. Have FedEx develop a system similar to the one it uses to track that “50 Shades of Gray” DVD you ordered from Amazon.

I wonder where Christie would put the barcodes needed to track those people. Maybe on their forehead. Or their butt. Maybe he could be a walking example of how that would work.

Or we could be more creative and make people who come to the United States wear silly hats, or strobing shirts, or some other idiotic idea that this clown might come up with.

7. President Obama, visiting Alaska this week, announced that he is changing the name of Mount McKinley, the tallest peak in North America, to Denali, the name given to it by the people who’ve lived there for millennia.

This has one Ohio congressman foaming at the mouth. This jackass says the people of Dayton are outraged, I tell you, outraged that Obama  would accede to the wishes of the folks who live near the mountain. He’s going to raise a big stink about it when Congress returns from its recess after Labor Day.

Because what America should really be concerned about right now is whether or not a mountain in Alaska is named for a president from Ohio — and not education, climate change, health care, infrastructure or any one of a quadrillion other things on this nation’s agenda. 

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