OUT LIKE AN ANGRIER LION

It’s Monday, March 30, 2020.

On this day 39 years ago, President Ronald Reagan was shot in the chest in Washington.

A politically divided nation came together in support of the wounded president. It celebrated his recovery and the skilled men and women who abetted it.

By the way, the shooting also led to serious gun control legislation, the Brady Bill, named for Reagan’s news secretary who was wounded and died in 2014 as a result.

The lesson is that there once was unity in adversity. That concept is one of Trumpism’s many casualties – as this crisis amply demonstrates.

Webster’s New World Dictionary doesn’t need its definition of “idiot” anymore.

It should just point to this New Yorker article and say “The subject of this interview.”

If you want to read about the stupidity that feeds into the narcissism of Trump, this interview with this “legal scholar” is a must.

I know a lot of really bright people who went to NYU. My wife is among them. 

What a stain this guy is on that school!

In 1980, I discovered Misquamicut Beach near Westerly, R.I. 

I discovered running on the beach. I discovered whole-belly fried clams. I discovered Rhode Island clam chowder, which is a clear broth, which I soon made a point of disdiscovering because creamy New England chowder is so much better. 

In 40 years since, I’ve visited the state countless times. I’ve seen basketball games in Providence and toured mansions in Newport.

So imagine my disappointment when the governor and the state embraced the idea of forcing New Yorkers visiting the state from self-quaranting for 14 days. 

A story in the Providence Journal tells of state troopers going door to door hunting people with New York license plates. A incredible waste of resources in a medical emergency.

I understand that Rhode Islanders don’t want the coronavirus – and that the state doesn’t have quite the outbreak that we have in New York.  

But the policy assumes that New Yorkers who drive to or through your state are too stupid to understand the situation. It assumes that residents of other hard-hit states – including its neighbors Massachusetts and Connecticut – are smarter.

It assumes they are going to flaunt the state’s stay-at-home order – which, by the way, the governor freakin’ waited until yesterday to declare.

And it assumes that we’re all some sort of amalgamation of the stereotypical self-obsessed New Yorker who doesn’t think that anything happening outside Manhattan or the five boroughs or the metropolitan area matters. As if the fatalities and heartbreak we’re seeing in the rest of the country is any less painful and heartbreaking than ours.

So, here’s my message to the folks in Rhode Island who support this stupid and unconstitutional idea:

This is going to end some day.

And when it does, don’t dare try to market your state to me or other New Yorkers as a place to spend a vacation, purchase goods and services, or do business of any kind.

Because I guarantee, as much as I love whole-belly clams and beautiful beaches and Del’s frozen lemonade, I’m not spending another goddamn dime in your bigoted, narrow-minded state.

And, believe me, I know how to hold a grudge. That’s one thing New Yorkers are really good at.

That goes for you, too, Florida.

March supposedly goes in like a lion and out like a lamb.

In 2020, most people want March to just go.

When this month began, most of us were still out and about. We went to work, the supermarket, the mall, wherever.

That seems like a long time ago. March 2020 feels like it has lasted a whole year.

So, yeah, good riddence to March.

Here’s the problem:

April’s gonna suck. Probably worse.

We are going to spend the entire month – all 30 days – cooped up at home. 

Our fear of getting this virus isn’t likely to diminish. The isolation is going to make it seem worse.

And the death toll – 2,600 at the moment – is going to be a multiple higher. We might be using the word million – or millions – in talking about the number of cases.

So, good riddance, March. The madness this time had nothing to do with basketball.

But as much as I love April, can we just fast forward to the month when it’s safe to see other people again?

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